Night Nurse: Ugly Betties

My nails are so disgusting, guys.

Actual picture

I just… man. I’m looking at my hands as I type and I’m so so sad right now.

I’m not saying that I’m willing to give up this rewarding career for a manicure but… it’s just so depressing. I’ve never been a particularly glam person. My uniform is jeans and a t-shirt, my idea of make-up is liberal emo-levels of black eyeliner and my shoes were sneaker-chic, but now that I’m going into a 40-year career of permanency, I really wish I spent the earlier years of my life in a ballgown and a full face of make-up.

Do male nurses feel the same? I feel like if I was a guy I’d feel the same way. I’d regret not wearing a three piece tux weekly. Spend my teenage years in a pimp suit to make up for the 40 years in a tunic. I’m thinking purple and suede. Or maybe fur?

I’m feelin’ myself

But right now I’m just wishing for nails that don’t look like a sunburnt forehead. Did you know nails can peel? I didn’t and neither did my nails. Yet here we are, looking like extras from Silence of the Lambs. And to paraphrase the killer, I gotta rub the lotion on my skin or else it’ll get cracked again.

I wear eye makeup about 90% of the time. No one notices when I do, but I notice and that’s what matters, really. But the combo of the course and placement is really taking a toll on the shares I’ve got in MaxFactor, friends. I’m not even sure if I’ve got any eye makeup on now or if it’s panda eyes from being too tired to wipe it off 3 days ago…or baggy eyes from being too tired. Maybe it’s Maybelline. Maybe it’s fatigue. Who knows anymore. Do I even have eyelashes anymore? My eyebrows, once bulked up by a liberal application of powder and stencil are now wispy and despondent. RIP falsies. You will be missed.

The weirdest thing for me is going on placement and seeing nurses with full faces of makeup. Like, I accept that not doing a course frees up a lot of time that can be devoted to cultivating eyebrows like Cara Delavigne and cheekbones like a Kardashian-Jenner, but surely you have to wake up before 5am to look that matte for your 7:30am shift. Wouldn’t you rather sleep? Then again a good way to look awake is to apply enough make-up to seem caffeinated, so maybe that’s the secret. Maybe it’s got nothing to do with looking flawless, but to look like you’re ready to tackle your 12hr shift with a painted on smile. I wonder how often they go to freshen up, though, seeing as none of them look like the Joker at the end of the shift like I would if I were in their position.

Leaving a shift like… 

Anyway, most of my assignments are in, so on my days off I’m gonna find an easy to follow Youtube video, contour my face to within an inch of my life and just sit in my room, basking in the feeling of looking something approaching human. And put gloves on my hands so I don’t have to see the state they’re in.

2 thoughts on “Night Nurse: Ugly Betties

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