Writer’s Block

I have the worst writer’s block right now.

It’s not like I don’t have any idea as to what to write about, I’ve got loads of ideas. I’m neck-deep in ideas. Ideas are pouring out of my ears.

Just… y’know, they’re not pouring onto the page.

I… I’ve tried everything. I have immersed myself into different forms of creative media (read: I watched Bob’s Burgers and looked up a way to make Louise’s hat). I have read a variety of different forms of text (does Reddit count?). I partook in arts and crafts to get the juices a-flowin’ (and got tangled in my yarn). I even tried exercise (died halfway round my park, saw my life flash before my eyes, felt supremely embarrassed at my teenage self).

All to no avail.

Is this what impotence feels like? Has my brain, however briefly, become an 80 year old man and if so where is my little blue pill to get the blood flowing? Should I get a fluffer? Are there pumps I can use to at least look like I’m at half-mast? Silicon injections? Or is the last one too extreme?

Maybe it’s because of the change in scenery (I moved again, long story). What’s more, the duvet I’ve been cocooned in since January has been put into storage due to an unBritishly warm summer, warm even for me, who finds 20 degrees chilly. Perhaps…my duvet is where my ideas come from. You know like how dough needs to be put in a warm place so the yeast can activate? Maybe that’s what I need.

The worst part isn’t that I have no ideas. I’ve got plenty of post ideas. I just can’t flesh them out. I keep staring gormlessly at the titles I’ve written, knowing what the overall theme is that I want to write but being completely unable to finish. I know I can fit in another erectile dysfunction pun here but I can’t even think of that. Ugh.

I’m gonna try to stay optimistic here. Frank Ocean had what must have been the mother of all writer’s block before gracing us with 2 albums and a magazine, and I’m pretty sure the thing he was building in the video was a new shelf for all the awards he’s going to get for it. I guess I just gotta wait for my Blond(e) moment too, right?

My brain is noping out of here.


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