Night Nurse: (Re)Enrollment

So I’ve had to re-enroll into my course for the final year. This, like everything else that I’ve had to do that vaguely refers to my course, has filled me with a distant sense of panic. I tend to think pretty far ahead (I’m the sort with a 5 year plan), so it’s not the coming year that worries me.

It’s Adulthood.

Guys, I’m not ready to be a useful member of society. I’m not down for the whole taxes and rent and stuff. I’m pretty pro-wage (I’d be more so if the nurses wage was increased), and I can’t wait to have a job/career, but the amount of responsibility that comes with that is scary. It’s like when you’re 6 and beg your mum and dad for a puppy and then you get it and realise that puppies need to be fed and bathed and walked and oh my Lord they do more than just look cute and bring joy. Except this time mum and dad won’t take the responsibility off your hands. It’s all you.

And, specific to nursing, there are a lot more ‘puppies’ to take care of.

I keep see-sawing between my learnt habit of preparing for the future (looking for jobs, reading up on nursing benefits, etc) and my primal urge to hide in a cave and live as a hermit. I’ll spend half of my free time reading up on the Agenda for Change (payscale for the NHS), and the other half watching cartoons and pretending I’m not an almost-25 year old.

The thing about doing a course with a(n almost) guaranteed outcome is that whether I’m scared of the future or not, I’ll still have a defined result. I’ll still be a qualified nurse. Whether I decide to apply to a hospital job or go into banking (HA the economy’s ruined enough without my input), I’ll still have that same outcome. So maybe the best bet is to focus on the now instead of the future. Even if it’s scary or stressful.

So bring it on, final year. I’m ready.

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