Most people learnt how to bake from a family member or in school. I learnt how to bake from a recipe book and pure, unadulterated rage.
In my first year of university I lived with a girl who stress-baked. Every time she had an assignment due, the smell of vanilla wafted through the house and a sponge cake was found in the kitchen. So I guess that’s where I got the idea to bake in times of strife. Fortunately that summer I happened to be acquainted with someone who gave me just that… (If you’re reading this, hi! You indirectly helped me learn how to bake?)
- 175g light muscovado sugar
- 175ml sunflower oil
- 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
- 140g grated carrot (about 3 medium)
- 100g raisins
- grated zest of 1 large orange
- 175g self-raising flour
- 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- ½ tsp grated nutmeg (freshly grated will give you the best flavour)
- 1 annoying boy(AB)
- On your way back from the gym, get a message:
AB: hey wuu2
P: just walking back from the gym ^_^
AB: Gym? U thnk u unattractive?
P: er no? I just want to be healthy
AB: oh well fat people go to the gym to make themself attractive.
P: >.> You’re no adonis
AB: whos dat?
- Go to the supermarket and angrily buy your ingredients. Ignore AB till you get home:
AB: i googled him
P: good for you
AB: I not that but I not fat lol
AB: anyway I was playing Tekken…
- Preheat the oven to 180C/Gas 4/fan 160C. Oil your 18cm square baking tray and line with baking parchment. If you have a silicon baking tray, that is not necessary.
- Mix the sugar with the oil.
AB: I think I can win prize money with Tekken
P: oh? isn’t that hard?
AB: yeah but I’m really gd tho.
P: maybe I should try lol
AB: girls dont play fighting games
Angrily crack open the eggs and beat them into the sugar and oil mixture. Pretend you are beating in someone’s head. Stir in the grated carrot
- Mix the dry ingredients together and sift them into the mixture.
AB: I can make a career of gamin u kno
P: you’ve only been playing a few months. Some people train for years.
AB: y dont u ever support me
P: You can be whatever you want to be, I’m just saying that it takes practice
AB: I been practicing all day
P: that’s not the same thing
AB: u mad cuz I call u fat? lol
Angrily bash the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until the mixture is light and fluffy, like how he would look if you had beaten the black out of him.
- Pour the mixture into the prepared tray and bake for 40-45minutes. Take this opportunity to give AB a piece of your mind.
P: look. you are a rude, self-absorbed spoilt child. You only asked me what I was up to as an excuse to tell me about your mundane life. You don’t actually care about anyone but yourself, and if you were actually an adult you would know the difference between being unsupportive and advice.
AB: u on your period?
P: you’re a child. go cry to your mother
AB: my mother doesnt think Im like that
P: I don’t care. Never speak to me again
- Serve cake with cream cheese frosting and a side of simmering rage.
This is an actual conversation I had with someone one summer when I was learning how to bake and also trying to be healthier and lose some weight. This happened over 4 years ago but it’s still fresh in my mind like it happened last week. It’s funny how awful things that people say to you can stick to you like a recurring rash, and how being mistreated, whether physically, emotionally or verbally remains when so many other things become forgotten. I stood up for myself, always have and always will, but that doesn’t make what was said ok. I’m no angel, I’ve said horrible things to people myself (and I hope that they forgive me for it), but it’s so important to remember that what you say to people, no matter how minor, can stay with them. We should all try to give kindness that will be remembered instead.
On the plus side, I’m really good at baking now!